They were running as fast as they could. They were running from their tent at the campsite. A bear had crawled up to their tent. They started running for their lives. The three girls screamed so loud. As they were running all they could here was leaves and sticks snapping, and the horrible and terrifying growl coming from the bear. The bear started chasing them, but they wouldn’t turn their heads. Not even for half a second. As they were turning the corner another bear was right there staring at them with his black beady eyes. Was this the end?
Mr. Roche
3/19/2015 04:33:44 am
Well done Hannah. I love the middle section in particular, where the twigs are snapping and the terrifying growl. This really enhances the atmosphere of panic. I think you overuse the word "running" near the start of the story. Try to think of some alternatives. Also, if you use shorter sentences at the start this also helps to create a mood of panic. Well done Hannah, keep up the good work.
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorMr. Roche's class will be posting their 100 Word Challenge here! Archives
May 2016
|