I was staring out my window. Wrapped up in my blanket waiting for my Dad to come back. I was left all alone in our little cottage. I was staring out onto the street. My tiny bedroom was freezing. I was waiting for quite a long time. Watching all the cars go past. The raindrops were splashing on my window. The street lights were shining brightly. My Dad’s van came down the road. Another car skidded around the corner out of our estate. My Dad didn’t see it. He turned the car. They crashed... What am I going to do?
2 Comments
Conan
1/30/2015 06:28:15 am
Wow great story. I hate being home alone. Did your dad? Please come back and visit blog.
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vanessa team 100, france
2/1/2015 05:07:25 am
Hi Hannah - well done, I really enjoyed your writing. I like the way you have highlighted small details to build up the picture of what it is like to be alone, waiting for something to happen or someone to arrive. Time passes slowly, giving you time to notice things that otherwise may go by unnoticed. I'm not sure about your last sentence - is it necessary? I would have left it with 'They crashed...' This is quite shocking to the reader and they would want to read on to find out more. I think you should feel very pleased with this piece of work. Good luck with your future writing!
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